Election Day’s Pathetic Reporters and Horrible Feelings

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February 17, 2017
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February 21, 2017

Strange feelings, almost like a wave of depression wash over me today. Election day. Never before have I felt so hopeless and demoralized in my life. The phrase “Too Little, Too Late” appears in my head over and over, mocking me. Laughing in the face of my paranoid, anxious state. Clinton or Trump. These are the choices I have reluctantly realized will be our next president. Too Little Too Late. Between the uneducated hicks, the raging feminists, and those unfortunate few thousand stuck in the middle, one of these two will be the president. Suffer for four years. Have no choice. Looking at complete nuclear war. Obliterated buildings and radiation poisoning flash through my head. Or maybe not. It was Abraham Lincoln who said “America will never be destroyed from the outside. If we falter and lose our freedoms, it will be because we destroyed ourselves.” I guess him and I have a few things in common after all. What would this look like? America has been the breeding ground for ignorant, arrogant, morons for a long time. We have been brought up to believe that we are above everyone else because we have freedom. We have the freedom to treat others like shit and we have the freedom to walk away from it, unscathed and laughing in the face of karma.

Getting off track. As I’m sitting here, watching this goddamn 24 hour coverage of this race, I’m wishing I was anywhere else, even being stomped behind some grocery store at 2 in the morning, but as a journalist, I feel I must cover this, no matter how much I don’t want to. I’m watching from swing state Michigan, and right now, my worst fears are coming true. Clinton and Trump are tied at around 50%, with Johnson trailing at about 5%. THAT DOESN’T MAKE ANY FUCKING SENSE! Sorry, this fucking lunatic reporter just gave a report that the majority African Americans who weren’t voting were doing so because they felt the economy wasn’t supporting them. What. The. Actual. Hell. So you’re just going to let one of these two meatballs take complete control?! That’s like saying “I don’t want a burglar to steal from me so I won’t do anything to stop him when he breaks into my house and takes my wife hostage.” Do something about it then, asshats! Anyway, Clinton seems to be slightly behind Trump. Ahh shit. These goddamn reporters just said this election could run to about 3am. I might have to give up this one, depending on how far along this is at 11. I have to wake up in the morning and to be honest, this shit is not worth it. Polling just closed here about 30 minutes ago, at 9pm. If I need to abandon this, I guess I’ll find out in the morning, no doubt on some rude awakening from the radio. I must remember to turn it off tonight.

These reporters are starting to get on my nerves. Another one of them just said this election has been much closer than anyone could predict. You seriously underestimate the intelligence of the public. The closeness of this race has been so obvious, a blind pig could see it. It’s pathetic watching these news stations try to fill all the extra time they have until the votes are in. I’m just sitting here trying to determine my reaction when I do find out who is the president. Will I become some kind of anger induced beast, or will I slouch back into my depressed state? And what will be the outcomes? Will we be heading for nuclear war? Or total economic collapse? Well, I can speculate all I want, but it’s completely in the air right now. Impossible to predict. Ha! They just said Michigan was the “linch pin”. How great. This guy just compared Trump to a Molotov cocktail, and I couldn’t agree more, except for the fact that he used this to take Clinton’s side. He says he knows Michiganders and that he knows we are being manipulated by Trump and that he won’t give us our jobs back. Now you’re just stating the obvious. But we are not being manipulated. Everyone here can see how bad these candidates are. That’s why we are having such a tough time coming up with a majority vote. We can’t decide which one’s worse, and I refuse to take a position on that.

What. The. Fuck These people think the race is so close in Michigan because of Trump’s catchphrase “Make America Great Again”. How stupid can people get? It’s not his goddamn catchphrase dipshits. Like I said, pathetic. It looks like Trump is pulling ahead, but this whole thing is still unpredictable. It also looks like Michigan is the upset state. The state no one predicted would be the so called “linch pin”. It’s now 42 minutes until I give this thing up. Another reporter’s ugly voice just said that only 42% of people trust the press because we feel we are being talked down to. Are you serious?! WE KNOW YOU ARE A BUNCH OF CORRUPT, BIASED SWINE! We know you are full of bullshit! Not that we feel hurt! Jesus! More pathetic speculation. Michigan, Pennsylvania, Ohio, and Colorado are the big states right now and will drag this out until far into the night, along with my anxiety. These elections are basically being run by labels. You know, labels like Republican, Democrat, Male, Female, White, Minority. These labels shouldn’t matter though. What should matter is if the candidate is a good candidate. One who can actually help America’s problems, big shocker. Isn’t that what George Washington wanted? Jesus would I like to see his face right now, after having all that he worked for dashed in a single election. NBC just projected that Hillary Clinton would win in Colorado. Wonder what Hunter would say about that, eh? Damn, I wish I would know. I can only guess, but it would just be more useless speculation.

Maybe that guy was right. This lady from Michigan just said she supported Trump because he says it how it is. Didn’t you read my other article? That is how he manipulated you. He knew that’s what you wanted so he catered to that want. Ahhh, but what does it matter anyway? Nope. Stop. That attitude is what got America into this mess in the first place. These news stations are running out of filler. They are taking more frequent breaks and starting to look at past presidential races. This is suspended in dead air and useless percentages until Michigan’s vote comes through as I am becoming increasingly bored. They’re even starting to repeat themselves, like goddamn parrots. Today has been a very stressful day, and will no doubt be followed by a stressful night’s sleep. Well, my time’s up. I feel nothing can be done for this godforsaken country. I’ll see you again in a new era.

-Davie Rooker

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